Jellicle Buddies
by MoonlightSongs
Summary: Old Deuteronomy thinks that some of the Jellicles don't get on together well enough. So, he pairs them off, gives each pair an activity, and forces them to spend the day together. Some get on well, and some... well, read to find out! Review please! Rated T because I think that it may have a little bit of language in it at some point.
1. Chapter 1

Jellicle Buddies

Chapter 1- Old Deuteronomy's concern

A/N: Hey! Now, I have a confession. As much as I love the tragedy, and the drama, and the angst, I'm afraid I have to admit… my favourite genre… is … COMEDY! (sings) I love comedy, I love comedy… a bit too much. Anyhow… I especially love throwing characters into uncomfortable situations. Especially perfectly serious (and awesome) characters from a perfectly serious (and awesome) setting in a perfectly serious (and awesome) musical. Especially those. (grins evilly) Forgive me!

Anyways, enjoy and please review!

Old Deuteronomy was concerned. Now, it was in the elderly leader's nature to be concerned over frivolous things sometimes, as his son, Munkustrap, never failed to remind him, but this was different. This was a concern actually worth being concerned about.

Last night had been the Jellicle Ball. Many events had taken place on said night- Munkustrap had figured out that some people didn't know what a Jellicle cat is, Victoria and Plato had done an incredibly awkward mating dance, Macavity had attacked (always lovely to see him), Demeter had strained her vocal chords from screaming/singing, and, of course, Grizabella had died (_obviously_, he meant that she made her glorious ascension to the Heaviside Layer).

But Old Deuteronomy had observed something particularly distressing. And, as he ordered (nicely) his fellow Jellicles to Great Tire for a lecture, he had this in mind.

"My fellow Jellicles," he began incredibly creatively, "Last night was the Jellicle Ball."

"Tell me something I don't know." yelled Tumblebrutus.

"And it was all very fun." Old Deuteronomy continued.

"Yeah, for the people who got to do the mating dance." Pouncival hollered. Etcetera, Electra and Jemima started giggling in Victoria's direction. Victoria glared at them.

Old Deuteronomy gritted his teeth. "But I noticed something rather concerning during the proceedings."

"Victoria actually looked really uncomfortable when she was lifted up by Plato?" Jemima asked innocently, being the innocent kitten that she was. Victoria lost it at this point and lashed out at Jemima, scratching her ever so slightly. "OWWW!" Jemima wailed.

"Actually, yeah, I noticed that too. A bit awkward for Plato, I should think." Old Deuteronomy commented.

Plato looked like her wanted to die at this point.

"Oh, and Vic, let's keep our paws to ourselves." Old Deuteronomy added.

Victoria huffed and sat down, giving Jemima a slightly-too-hard pat on the back.

"OWWW!" Jemima screeched.

"Gee," Old Deuteronomy muttered to himself. "Queens these days"

"I heard that!" Jennyanydots and Jellylorum whined in unison.

"I didn't say anything…" Old Deuteronomy trailed off.

"Yes you did!" Victoria shouted. Payback.

"No I didn't!" the Jellicle leader insisted

"Yes you did!" the queens moaned.

"Get on with it!" the toms yelled.

"Well," Old Deuteronomy began, fairly pleased at having gotten away so easily, "Last night, I noticed that some of you have some… tension between you."

Every single cat there exchanged glances with every single other cat there in the space of about three seconds.

"And I want to do something about that."

This caught everyone's attention. Everlasting Cat. Old Deuteronomy had a _plan_. And Old Deuteronomy plans were almost never good.

"I was sitting on the vicarage wall the other day," said cat who had plans continued, "and I heard the vicar's daughter talking about something that they did in her school. And it sounded like a very Jellicle-like thing indeed."

This was not raising anyone's hopes.

"It's called a buddy system. You all pair off, so that everyone has a buddy. Then you pick an activity from my bag…" (the Jellicles now all realised why he'd been holding a huge brown bag the whole time) "…and you all get to know each other better! Doesn't that sound great?"

The response from the Jellicles was like an ocean collapsing on the poor Jellicle leader's ears.

"I want to be with Jemima!" screeched Victoria.

"No, you scratched me! I want to be with Electra." replied Jemima.

"Nooo! I want to be with Etcetera!" hollered Electra.

"TUGGER!" squealed Etcetera.

"OOF!" said Tugger as Etcetera pounced on him.

"I want to be with Bomba!" Pouncival and Tumblebrutus shouted in unison.

"Eew, no way." said Bombalurina. "Tugger?" she asked hopefully.

"Can't… breathe…" responded Tugger, Etcetera bouncing up and down on his chest.

"Jellicles. JELLICLES!" cried Old Deuteronomy in a surprisingly loud voice. Wow, thought the Jellicles, he's got good lungs for an old guy. Old Deuteronomy softened his tone now that everyone was listening to him. "You do not get to choose. I do."

This news hit the Jellicles like a ton of bricks. Etcetera even got off of Tugger, much to his relief.

Well, that explained the scroll in his hand that appeared to be crushing the old cat.

"I will now read out the pairings." Old Deuteronomy announced, and with some struggle, opened the scroll. "Alonzo, you're with…"

A/N: CLIFFHANGER! Don't worry though if you liked it- I should be updating soon (this is really fun to write!)

I hope you did like it. Now… review and tell me! Also some buddy pairing ideas wouldn't go amiss. I think I've got a few good ones, but help would be much appreciated. The pairings will be coming chapter by chapter, so as long as you don't say a character I've already paired up, it would be really great!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Patches & the Red Menace

A/N: I'm back! Yay! Sorry I was gone for so long… I had to spend part of my summer doing charity work in a place that… let's just say it definitely did not have Internet access.

So here's my first set of Buddies! Yay! I hope this is as funny as you guys told me the last chapter was... Anyways, I hope you like it and please review!

P.S. The title of this chapter is a horrifically stupid pun on the title of one of my favourite under-appreciated musicals: Flora and the Red Menace, which originally starred the phenomenal Liza Minnelli. Look it up!

Sooooooo… on with the comedy (not sure it's that funny, but whatever)!

"I will now read out the first pairing." Old Deuteronomy announced, and, with some struggle, opened the scroll.

"Alonzo, you're with Bombalurina."

"No!" shrieked Alonzo.

"No!" shrieked Bombalurina.

"No!" shrieked virtually every tom there.

"Yes." said Old Deuteronomy, who was most _definitel_y not smirking. Well, it certainly seemed that either Bomba or Alonzo had captured the toms' affections. Alonzo wasn't too bad looking, after all...

Jolting himself back from his skeptical study of Alonzo's fluffy black and white fur, the Jellicle leader read out the rules.

"You two, you will spend today together and then come back in the evening and show us all your accomplishments. Now, if one of you would care to take an activity from the bag...?"

A moment of silence ensued whilst both Bomba and Alonzo waited for the other to volunteer to scamper up the Great Tire to retrieve their hobby for the day. Eventually, Bomba gave a very dramatic sigh and clambered up to the Jellicle leader, glaring at her buddy.

"Wow, thanks for always being such a gentleman, Lonzie." she said sarcastically.

Alonzo just scowled and looked down, murmuring something inaudible. Clearly he did not approve of being called 'Lonzie.'

Bomba stuck her paw into the brown bag, swirled the little bit if papers around a bit, then finally picked one out. She unfolded it and read: "Give each other a makeover."

If the most if the tribe had not known about Bomba's cosmetic addiction, then the disturbingly wide grin that spread accross Bonbalurina's face would have been, well, disturbing. However, Jemima, being the innocent kitten that she was, thus completely oblivious to the evils of excessive eyeliner, crawled up to Alonzo and whispered, "Why is she smiling like that?" Then she caught a glimpse if the harlequin tom's face. "Alonzo, are you gonna puke? 'Cause I just got my fur cleaned."

"Feeling... dizzy..." Alonzo mumbled.

"Come on, Lonzie!" Bomba chirped, grabbing his paw and dragging him towards her den. "We've got some work to do!"

"No... I... won't... GO!" Alonzo hollered as Bomba attempted to pull him towards the entrance to her den.

"Yes... you... WILL!" Bomba shouted.

Alonzo shuddered. Just to be this close to Bomba's den was making him feel sick. The scent from that place was absolutely nauseating. So sweet- ugh. He had heard horror stories from Tugger, who often went over to... er- sleep?- at Bomba's den. But being near here was so much worse.

"You can't make me!" Alonzo taunted her.

"Oh yeah? What do you think Old D is gonna say if I tell him that you chickened out?"

"Um... Well, he'd see that I am very loyal to my beliefs..."

Bomba sighed. "Come on, Lonzie, it won't be that bad, it's just me giving you a makeover."

A grin of realisation began to spread across the harlequin's face. He said, very innocent-sounding, "But, Bomba? I thought that we were meant to be giving makeovers _to each other_."

The colour drained from Bomba's face. Then again, there wasn't a lot of colour in her face to begin with.

"Come on, Rinie!" Alonzo chirped, grabbing Bomba's paw and dragging her into the den, whose sickly-sweet scent no longer seemed to bother him. "We've got some work to do!"

"Oh my... Everlasting Cat in Heaviside." Alonzo muttered. "I look like..." he paused, contemplating. "I don't know what I look like."

"You think you're bad?" Bomba scoffed. "At least I applied yours _skilfully_. I don't know what you did!"

"I..." Alonzo searched for an answer. "Nope, I dunno what I did either."

Bomba sighed. "We're due back at the great tire now."

"Ready to go look like idiots?

Bomba smiled sweetly. "Of course."

It had been rather difficult to reassemble the Jellicles at the end of the day. The toms had been playing tail-ball (A/N: my CATS variation of football. Don't judge me!) and Munkustrap had accidentally kicked Tugger in the nose (who was convinced that it was broken and was extremely distraught). Jellylorum was exhausted from having to give Gus a bath (he saw no practical reason why a fully grown Tom should have to subject himself to sitting in a tub of water), and Jennyanydots was still being chased by Tugger, who was asking her to perform on him something that he had heard the humans call 'plastic surgery'. The kittens were very tired, being the delicate little things that they were (apart from Etcetera... wow, that kit was feisty, Old Deuteronomy thought). Jemima was asleep on Victoria, who was asleep on Electra, who was trying to tie Etcetera's tail to a tree to keep her from running away (Wow, Old D certainly did _not_ want to be Electra at that point). Etcetera, in turn, was screaming, "Tugger, TUGGER! Never forget me, Tugger!" to a Tugger who was far too concerned with his nose to remember her, let alone forget her after that.

"Jellicles." the elderly cat called melodiously (he was a very musically gifted cat, after all). The Jellicles did not seem to appreciate this, though, as they continued their talking.

"Jellicles!" Old Deuteronomy sang, much, much higher than he had intended to. The Jellicles stared at him, a few of the kittens blinking innocently (because they were very innocent). The Jellicle leader then (very cleverly indeed) diverted the attention away from himself. "I now present to you, Alonzo and Bombalurina!"

"Other way around!" came a very Bomba-like shout.

"Fine, then, Bombalurina and Alonzo!"

Alonzo snorted elegantly as the two strode out. The Jellicles gasped. What had they done to each other?

Alonzo, from his head to the tip of his tail, had been painted bright red. And Bombalurina was absolutely covered in black and white patches that looked like they were drawn on with... was that crayon? Not only that, but all over her face were markings of what appeared to be Alonzo's incredibly artistic attempt of a Pollicle Dog. And Alonzo had on… what they believed the humans called make-up? He looked like a queen- and not a particularly attractive one.

The two cats hopped onto the Tire, grinning sheepishly.

"Hey, don't we look great?" asked Alonzo.

"Shut up, dummy, you're making this worse." hissed Bomba through gritted teeth.

"So," Old Deuteronomy began, "What have you learned about each other today?"

"Well, first I learned that Bomba thought I was a Pollicle for saying that Jellicle Cats are black and white, when, of course, my dearest Rinie is the colour of lovely dried blood." Alonzo grinned sarcastically and bowed to Bombalurina. "For this, I humbly apologise." He winked at the crowd. "I wonder who the Pollicle is now?"

He had thought that Bombalurina had not heard his incredibly well-timed whisper, so he chose to believe that her hind paw crashing down onto his was purely coincidental "And I learned that Alonzo thought I was a total slut for interrupting his incredibly arrogant 'strutting' with my incredible skilful sexy dancing. Everalasting Cat, please forgive me for doing such a great injustice to our audience, and, of course, to my darling Lonzie." Bomba smiled so sweetly and somehow even more sarcastically than Alonzo had. She then dropped to her paws and knees, apparently begging the EC to forgive her for her sins.

Old Deuteronomy had somehow, by some incredible miracle of the universe, many to miss the absolutely dripping sarcasm in this little encounter. Instead, he applauded heartily. "Bravo, bravo! All witness, the immense power of the buddy system!"

The Jellicles had no idea why he was clapping, or why they found themselves clapping. Had he_ seen_ that? Anyways, they could not dwell on that thought for long, because they were very busy silently praying to the EC that they would not be chosen yet. Well, apart from Gus, who was far to cool to care about either of the matters.

Alonzo and Bombalurina bowed once more and strutted off the tire. As they passed each other, Bomba whispered, "Good, show, huh?"

"Yep. And I think that I hate you slightly less now."

"I could say the same to you."

"Friends?"

"Woah, there, Lonzie-boy, we're not quite there yet. I'm not _that _naughty, after all."

Alonzo rolled his eyes at Bomba's implication. "You are disgusting."

"Oh, but Lonzie, so are you. So are you."

And this whole conversation took place in about two seconds. A little bit of EC magic right there.

As the two fairly-successful buddies sat down, Old Deuteronomy cleared his throat.

"The Jellicle Buddies for tomorrow are The Rum Tum Tugger and..."

A/N: ANOTHER CLIFFHANGER! Mwah ha ha ha ha! Get used to it in this story, I think my advice would be. Anyways, evil cliffhanger-y part aside, I hope you liked this and please review! (I will never stop saying that. Sorry in advance.)


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